Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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