i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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