Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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