i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm at about main and main street
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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