i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
