I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
