I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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