If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
