This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
