If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
