We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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