I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
