I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
