So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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