Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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