nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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