I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
