I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
