you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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