I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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