I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
