Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
