We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
