Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
