it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
