i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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