the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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