I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
