when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We left an ass print on the piano.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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