I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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