So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
50% drunk capacity currently
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
