You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
