you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
