I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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