I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
