I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
