Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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