everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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