If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He passed out mid-signature
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
