im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
