there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I showed him my bush... on skype.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
