i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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