Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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