omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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