She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
