Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
