loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
only if we run a train.
done.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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