Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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