I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
