the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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