i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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