I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize