there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
