i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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