My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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