you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
