fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
