Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
