It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
