I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
