when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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