Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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