it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
