you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
