What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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