It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can text with my tongue
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
