I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
