the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
