we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
