her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
