Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this boner is exhausting
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
