I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
