I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
