The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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