Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
