i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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