FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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