Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
