Jerry, you need to find god
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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